You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
