My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
