Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
