Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
