i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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