So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Randomize
