Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
