Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
