my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
