I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
