i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
