I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize