that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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