Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
