1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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