Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
