Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
