the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
