I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I party with great urgency now.
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