He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
