where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Randomize
