I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
