u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
should my penis look like a turkey
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
