when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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