Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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