dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
