I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
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