just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
