I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
