if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
