The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
