U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
