i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
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