The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
