Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
