just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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