guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize
