Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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