My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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