I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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