I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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