it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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