i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
