I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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