she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
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