I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
