Do you still have your period?
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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