While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
