Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
