I must be too annoying 4 u.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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