Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
