I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
