just come out here and I will go home with you...
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Randomize
