some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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