I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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