a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
