I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Boobs are out for the taking
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
