On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Randomize
