As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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