You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
