sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
