She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
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He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
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My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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