Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
