I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
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Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
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Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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