Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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