I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
