She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
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