Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
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This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
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can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
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