do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
